Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Have you seen my dog?


My dog Flipper, seen in the picture above (he's the sweet little guy on the left) was last seen on the airport tarmac in Iowa, running towards a corn field. The next day this weird marking showed up in the field and the lady that lived there told me to go away because science sucks. Working on a tip that some missing musician might have picked him up, I looked day and night in the ditches where he was last seen but all I saw was a radio tower flashing some signal in Morse that said, "-... . / ... ..- .-. . / - --- / -.. .-. .. -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .-.. . ...- .. - .-. --- -." So I got out my trusty cell phone to call my friend Steve whom I hadn't seen in a while and ask him where his robo-dog would have gone in the same situation but just then my phone rang and I felt all woozy when I answered it and a mysterious voice told me, "This is not a game!" and I fell right over. Good thing there was a big pile of bubblewrap right next to me or I might have hit my head on a really hard multi-colored cube lying on the ground. When I woke up I thought a giant monster was standing over me but it turned out I had my glasses on upside-down and it was just a possum, muttering, "Wake up, Princess!" He ran off, splintered nails making weird skricking noises on the road. Then this fierd wella who called himself Richard pulled up in his Audi and asked me how old I am but just then he heard on his car radio that some plane had exploded in the Pacific and he exclaimed, "I bet Irkshire Chemicals was behind it!" and sped off. Exactly 168 minutes later I had managed to read thirteen books and I still had no idea what they were about. It was about that time that the little devil on my shoulder told me that I could really use a beer, so I headed through the standing stones to the Apollo Friday's on Avenue 48.33J and I heard that the band manager for the missing musician's group was mysteriously killed after having been suspected of cheating at Hold'Em. "What a coincidence," I said, "My dog plays poker too! Have you seen him?"

If you've seen my dog, please let me know.